An Email

I received a funny email - with no author of whoever originally wrote this- it is hilarious.

Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

———————

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, download Tears 6.2 and be sure to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, please remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support
 
Ha-- I think the message here is - Don't Get Married. LOL.

Favorite Quote This Week

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character... Would you slow down? Or speed up?"

I don't remember who said this. But I love it. And it makes me think/wish that there were some sort of reincarnation, because that would be awesome. Especially if I could choose what I'd be. I asked someone and they said either a tree or a bear. And I thought, "Really? REALLY??" Because I had been thinking more along the lines of an Egyptian Priestess or a Duchess, or a peasant who worked her way up in the world, or .... you get the idea. Obviously I have a little vainness I need to overcome right?

Let's Be Friends

I get offended-- easily. Most people think I have this tough exterior, and I kind of do. I hold people away, not letting very many get close - because that means I can't get hurt. Or offended. I'm the little kid on the playground that cries because you didn't invite her over to play.

And, from being offended -- I hold grudges. To the point that it's ridiculous (even I realize that). So- as of today, I am turning over a new leaf.

I have made mistakes in my life (UNDERSTATEMENT). And I've been forgiven for them - I have amazing friends that are willing to put things in the past. I see the friendships that I have from that and think about some of the people I'm 'grudging' against or that we've simply fallen apart -- or even the ones that we are friends at a distance... and I want that to change.

I don't want to just be friends that comment on each other's blogs or posts, that wave when we see each other but don't stop to really talk. I want to go to lunch, see a matinee, hang out and watch movies, gossip- just like in high school. So, I'm going to make an effort to be that kind of friend. Today. Because I am fun, and outgoing, and funny, and nice, and giving, and sweet, and weird, and probably a lot more things-- and I want to be that way, and for other people to see it. Instead of seeing me holding a grudge. So....... friends?

The Swagger Wagon

If you haven't already viewed this creative masterpiece from my obsessive blogging, emails, and facebook posts, please do so now.

As I said earlier....
Bald Guy is my favorite,
and I believe I now officially hero-worship his funniness.

Click this link: The Swagger Wagon

And be extremely amused. I think my favorite part is where he's singing @ rolling through the coldesacs.... priceless.